We have officially narrowed it down to Pilot Pete's final four ladies (I know I'm like two days late but I don't have cable I'm sorry).

They're in Lima, Peru this week, and, as I predicted, Peter will not stop speaking Spanish.

We even had to endure a Facetime conversation with his crazy mother where she gives him advice that sounds like it was written by Chris Harrison. This has been a week, people.

One on One - Madison

Peter's bandage is gone! He now has a really lame scar that all of the girls are trying to pretend is sexy.

Anyway, he and Madison go fishing. Peter catches a fish immediately and I am 100% convinced that Chris Harrison is in scuba gear holding the fish up under the water.

They make out for a really long time and then we get to the dinner.

Madison tells Peter she is super religious and that faith is super important to her. Drink every time Madison says 'like' during this conversation (just kidding, you would die).

Peter tries really hard to pretend that he is also religious. But that's not important because he tells Madison that he is falling. in. love. with. her. 

You aren't supposed to say that yet Peter, there are four still five other girls on the show right now. But he does, and he spends the rest of the date mentally planning his life with Madison.

Interestingly, she does not say it back. But she gets the rose.

One on One - Natasha

My favorite Natasha gets her first one on one ever and it is about dang time. Even though we all know that this is way too late in the show to get your first one on one, and she's totally going home.

They walk around Lima and you can tell Peter is thinking about Madison for the entire date.

At their dinner, Peter tells Natasha that he only sees her as a friend and sends her home.

She handles it incredibly maturely and quotes Ariana Grande in her goodbye Instagram post. I love her.

One on One - Kelsey

Kelsey and Peter ATV around Peru, and then have an incredibly difficult time climbing up a mountain. They are so out of breath and it's amazing.

Peter says he can't wait to do this stuff all the time with his future wife and I'm not sure he's ready for marriage. You can only travel so much, Peter, what about children and bills??

Kelsey goes into detail about her family situation at their dinner (her dad left the family and their relationship is rocky). She's actually very mature about it, and Peter reacts really well.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Champagne-gate Kelsey is pretty cool, and I think she and Peter would be good together.

She gets the rose. Their love is apparently too boring for YouTube, so here's an Instagram post.

Three on One - Kelley, Hannah Ann, and Victoria F. 

Peter takes the remaining girls on a three on one to some sort of Peruvian church? and it is awkward.

Kelley will not stop talking about how she is so much better than the other girls because she's older and an attorney. Girl, you're on The Bachelor.

He talks to Hannah Ann first. She writes him a fifth-grade level love letter about why she likes him...maybe Kelley is right about her being too young.

He then talks to Kelley about his concern that she calls their relationship "fun." He thinks she's not serious about him — she doesn't see the signs and is still overly confident about their relationship.

Victoria F. is already having a meltdown (surprise, surprise) by the time Peter goes to talk to her. She is actually physically incapable of having a conversation about their relationship.

Peter walks her all the way to the infamous black car, just to make her think she's going home. But then, even though their relationship is a complete mess, he gives her the first rose.

Peter goes back to the remaining girls and gives Hannah Ann the second rose. Kelley is pissed and doesn't even give him a hug goodbye. Yikes.

Quotes of the Night (they're all from Kelley lol)

  • "Take me to some alpacas. I want to ride them."
  • "Yesterday, I was pretty annoyed. Today, I am still annoyed."
  • "I mean, look at me, I'm an attorney."
  • "I'll be napping here. See ya in a bit."

Next week is hometowns. We learn from the previews that Madison is a virgin (I'm surprised they haven't been plugging this the entire show) and Victoria F. is crying yet again.

See you next week, Bachelor Nation.

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