“The Bachelor” Recap: Chase Rice Crisis & The Return of Alayah

This week was so crazy it had my rose glass shaking in my hand (I know I'm like two days late but I don't have cable I'm sorry).

Chris Harrison starts off the episode by announcing that they're going to the amazing town of...Cleveland, Ohio. All of the girls try really hard not to be disappointed by this news.

There's then a montage of Cleveland with everyone talking about how great it is. I've never been to Cleveland, so I can't judge, but...how much did the mayor of Cleveland pay Chris Harrison for this?

The Chase Rice Crisis

It all starts on Peter's one-on-one date with Victoria F., aka the girl who is always crying. The pair start the date off fine by enjoying a private day at Ceder Point amusement park.

Peter then decides to surprise Victoria with a private Chase Rice concert because she likes country music. Little does he know that CHASE RICE IS HER EX.

And not a long-ago ex. Like, a very recent ex. This is even more awkward because Chase Rice is about 100 times hotter than Peter.

Victoria doesn't tell Peter and goes through with the concert anyway. Chase Rice stares at her the entire time, Victoria looks like she's mentally contemplating how to change her name and move to Alaska, and Peter dances like an 60-year-old white man, blissfully unaware.

Victoria goes to talk to Chase after the concert and he has visible pain in his gorgeous eyes. This man is still so in love with her.

Nevertheless, Victoria and Peter make it to their dinner. She tells him about Chase and immediately has a panic attack and runs away to the bathroom.

Peter handles this like a normal person and says they should just laugh at the situation. Good for you, Peter.

Victoria gets the rose.

Group Date

Peter decides to make them all play actual tackle football for the date. That is literally my worst nightmare.

Blonde Victoria says she can't play because her back hurts and spends all her time on the sidelines getting back massages from Peter. Well played, Blonde Victoria.

The Return of Alayah

The cocktail party is going fine until Alayah (who was sent home last week) shows up to use Peter for fame clear her name.

Alayah tells a shocked Peter that Blonde Victoria lied about not knowing her (this was the reason Peter kicked her off the show.)

He confronts Victoria about this, and she immediately breaks down in tears. Okay, she might be lying.

Peter brings both of the girls together to get the truth and, of course, accomplishes nothing. He then ominously stares into a random shark tank that's in their hotel for some reason.

After finding some clarity with the shark, Peter decides to bring Alayah back and he apologizes for kicking her off. Then...wait for it...HE GIVES HER THE GROUP DATE ROSE. SHE WAS NOT EVEN ON THE GROUP DATE.

You can literally see all of the other girls planning to murder Peter in their heads.

One on One - Kelsey

Peter takes her for a romantic day of walking around Cleveland. He breaks the news to her about Alayah's return, and Kelsey is surprisingly mature about this news.

So mature, in fact, that Peter remarks how he loves that Kelsey is "no drama" — have you already forgotten Champagne-gate, Peter?!

Kelsey then tells Peter a really sad story about her family that even made me feel bad for her. She gets the rose.

Cocktail Party

Peter heads down to the cocktail party ready to talk to Blonde Victoria about the Alayah drama.

Before he even gets a chance to do that, Deandra and Natasha lay into him about giving Alayah the rose even though he forced them to play freakin' football all day.

Peter gives a weak apology, and tries again to talk to Blonde Victora. But NOPE. She doesn't want to talk to him either.

He manages to get her away from the group, and she starts screaming at him about how much he sucks before he can even get a word in. She is smiling while yelling at him, people, that's how you know it's bad.

Peter then starts to get a clue that he may have messed up, and worries that all the girls might walk out on him.

And then, of course, the episode ends because Chris Harrison won't let us have nice things.

Quotes of the Night

• "I want to have four kids because of amusement parks...if I have three then one sits alone."
• "I want to die."
• "I'm gonna tackle a lot of b*tches."
• "Oh my God, so much disappointment."

Apologies for this insanely long recap, but this episode was a doozy. Apparently, we're getting two episodes next week because there was so much drama.

Don't forget to grab an extra bottle of wine. I'll see you then.