It's finally here — the first part of The Bachelor Season 24 finale.

The second part is actually here too, but I don't have cable so I must wait a day to watch the show like the peasant I am.

So, whether you know what happens or not, I hope you enjoy commiserating with me about this terrible television show.

Now, let's get started.

Hannah Ann Meets the Parents

Peter introduces Hannah Ann to his parents, and they immediately fall in love with her even though they don't know anything about her.

It soon becomes clear that Peter's parents really don't care who he ends up with as long as she is a human and loves him.

Peter's mom then asks Hannah Ann what scares her the most about dating Peter, and she's like 'well, the him dating other women thing is kind of a bummer.' Lol.

Peter's dad asks Peter who he likes better between the two girls, and he cannot give a straight answer. What a great way to feel when you're getting engaged the next day.

Madison Meets the Parents

Madison and Peter start off arguing about him sleeping with the other women again.

Peter thinks it was unfair of Madison to give him that ultimatum and tells her that she should've considered what he wants to do with the other women.

She basically says that she doesn't care about the other women and that if Peter cared about her he wouldn't have done that. BOOM.

But Peter keeps begging and Madison gives in and says that she loves him. Bleh.

Now it's time to meet the fam.

Peter's brother can't belive Peter would marry a woman he hasn't done the dirty with. He also notes that Peter will have to give up partying. The sacrifice.

Peter's parents talk to Madison and she tells them about how she and Peter are on very different pages when it comes to faith.

Peter's mom goes off on her and says it was unfair of her to give him an ultimatum, and tells her to stop trying to change Peter and his partying ways. This woman is the worst.

Madison stands up for herself (yes!) and does an aside to the camera that implies she's going to end it with Peter.

Parental Debrief

Peter's parents inform him that they hate Madison and his mom is actually sobbing and begging him to marry Hannah Ann.

Peter gets extremely defensive, saying that they just don't get his connection with Madison.

Ahem, Peter? If you actually loved Hannah Ann, you wouldn't be that mad that your parents like her better.

One on One - Madison

Peter (who is wearing a pink checkered shirt, ew) and Madison helicopter on over to a sacred Australian rock.

They're also drinking apple juice and not champagne? So off-brand for this show.

Clueless Peter thinks everything is fine now because Madison said she loved him earlier.

Hint: it's not fine.

Madison informs Peter that they are too different and that she has to think about life outside of the show. She breaks up with him (I think?) and leaves him sobbing in the desert.

One on One - Hannah Ann

Peter takes Hannah Ann to my favorite kangaroo sanctuary (I follow them on Instagram and it's amazing).

She immediately knows that something is off and confronts him about it.

He can't give her a straight answer and she tells him she wants a man who loves her as much as she loves him and doesn't have to settle for her. Hell yeah, know your worth Hannah Ann.

Then the episode ends. And Peter is still the worst.

Chris Harrison reveals that *gasp* Madison comes back. Shocker. This is going to be a Cassie and Colton situation all over again.

If you're like me and don't have cable, grab the wine and enjoy this train wreck with me tonight. Cheers.

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