This week, we get to watch "men" in their thirties argue about whether or not it's appropriate to call a woman a "smokeshow." Because we all know that distinction is the key to finding love (I know I'm like two days late but I don't have cable I'm sorry).

Group Date - Grown A$$ Man Challenge

For the group date, Tayshia decides to determine who is truly a "grown a$$ man" by putting the men through a series of ridiculous and trivial challenges.

First, the men all have to prove that they can do basic math and spell. Bennett, who went to Harvard, gets all of the questions wrong.

Bennett also refuses to participate in the tug-of-war challenge, citing an "old football injury" to hide the fact that he's really just a baby.

However, Bennett excels in the bed and breakfast challenge, preparing Tayshia a yummy breakfast while kissing her in only a bathrobe.

Chasen, who said that his shirtless body counted as a breakfast, thinks this is not a classy move.

In the end, Bennett is declared a grown a$$ man. Ed is dismissed as a "man child" and forced to carry a fake baby around for this rest of the episode.

Post-Group Date

Before Tayshia can even sit down, Bennett asks to speak with her. Tayshia makes him wait until she makes a toast, and then, Chasen swoops in a steals her before Bennett can do a thing. Power moves only.

Later, Ben makes a connection with Tayshia and Ivan blindfolds her and makes her eat strawberries.

Then, Chris Harrison Ed decides to start drama out of nowhere and calls Chasen a fraud. Chasen responds by saying Ed has chicken legs. Remember, these men are over 30 years old.

Ed does this worst thing you can do on this show and brings it up to Tayshia, who brings it up to Chasen, who denies everything.

They continue to catfight until Tayshia gives Ivan the rose because she likes strawberries.

Cocktail Party

The guys accuse Chasen of being immature because he called Tayshia a "smokeshow." I don't really see why this is a problem, but you will hear this word approximately 500 more times throughout the episode.

Ed, still carrying the fake baby even though it's the next day, continues to whine to Tayshia about Chasen. She yells at Chasen for being mean. Chasen apologizes to Ed for being mean. Ed won't accept his apology. I'm wondering why I still watch this show.

Thankfully, Zac C. has a nice conversation with Tayshia and reminds me that all men aren't terrible.

Rose Ceremony

In order to keep the drama alive, Ed and Chasen both get roses. Tayshia sends three random guys who I've never seen before home.

Group Date - Wrestling Match

Tayshia decides that the best way to solve the drama between Ed and Chasen is to have them physically fight each other. Great idea.

After watching painful b-roll of the guys shadowboxing, the matches start. When it's time for Ed to fight Chasen, Ed reveals that he has "bad shoulders" and cannot fight. Lame.

But Noah and his creepy mustache hop in from the audience to take Ed's place. He loses, but Tayshia decides to bring him along for the rest of the group date, angering all of the other guys.

Post-Group Date

Tayshia starts kissing Noah, and then immediately makes him shave his mustache. I thought it would be better, but now he looks like a teenager.

Meanwhile, Ben decides it would be a great strategy to ignore Tayshia all night and then gets annoyed when he gets no time with her. You're supposed to be good at math, Ben.

Tayshia ends the night by giving the rose to Noah. She then has the audacity to ask the men if they think Noah looks good without his mustache. They respond with silent rage.

Quotes of the Night

  • "I'm really excited to show her how grown my a$$ is."
  • "There's so many alpha males here."
  • "I was very close to bringing Wolverine out last night."
  • "He double dipped, which is a sin."

I never thought I'd say it, but I miss Dale. The other men suck. Lord, beer us strength for next week.

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