“The Bachelorette” Week 3 Recap: Everybody Hates Dale

I went between loving and hating Clare at least 20,000 times this episode. So, let's dig in (I know I'm like two days late but I don't have cable I'm sorry).

Yosef Confronts Clare

Yosef pulls Clare aside to tell her that he's upset about her group date outburst and strip dodgeball. And at first, it seems like he is going to make a rational, calm case.

Then, it all goes to sh*t. Yosef switches the conversation from rational to a full-on verbal assault, saying that he "is ashamed to be associated with her." Ouch.

Clare rightfully tries to send him home, but he follows her all the way to his car, barraging her with insults and confirming to the public that he is absolute trash.

Dale (ofc) rushes to Clare's side to comfort her, and she drops the first "I'm falling in love with him" of the season to the camera.

Unfortunately for the other guys, Clare decides she doesn't feel like talking to men anymore (preach) and decides to go straight to the rose ceremony.

Rose Ceremony

Clare gives Dale the first rose, not even trying to hide that she's already mentally chosen the show's winner.

Garin (who?), Tyler S. (who?), and Blake go home.

Group Date #1 - Cocktail Party

After making the guys wait for hours, Clare finally decides to see the guys to tell them that they're not going on a group date, and just having a cocktail party.

Dale asks the guys for permission to talk to Clare first for just five minutes, because he really needs to make out with her get some stuff off of his chest. He then asks for the world's cringiest group hug in a failed attempt to convince the men that he's a team player.

Clare takes Dale to her room and they do just about everything you can do with your clothes on...for an. entire. hour. You said five minutes, Dale!

Eazy goes to see what's up, and Clare and Dale continue to flirt in front of him until she finally agrees acknowledge that someone else exists.

Clare starts speed dating through the other men when Dale goes to get time with her again. And she lets him. THE DISRESPECT.

Later, the guys confront Dale, and he tries to tell them that he accidentally ran into Clare when he was trying to find a bathroom. Sure, Jan.

But then, as the ultimate slap in the face, Clare gives Dale the group date rose and rushes off before anyone can argue.

Dale then decides to make things better and tell all the guys that he "is best suited" for Clare. Way to rub it in.

One on One - Zach J. 

Chris Harrison (probably) forces Clare to go out with someone who isn't Dale, and she chooses Zach J.

She decides to punish him with a "spa day," while repeatedly running to the camera to gush about Dale and accuse Zach of having "nervous energy."

Then, they head to the pool to perform the most awkward kiss to ever happen in human history.

Clare leans in, remembers Zach isn't Dale, and abruptly stops. Confused, Zach tries to pull her back in. Unfortunately, the pull reminds Clare of her past abusive relationship, and she has Chris Harrison send him home before dinner.

Reminder: if someone doesn't want to kiss you anymore, stop trying to kiss them.

Group Date #2 - The Roast

Clare decides that giving a bunch of angry men a microphone is a great idea for a group date, and organizes a roast.

Unsurprisingly, the guys decide to spend the entire time crapping on Dale.

Clare, however, is the only person in the world who is surprised. She complains to the camera about how they're "hating on her love with Dale." Duh Clare, remember you're dating all of them??

Cocktail Party

Instead of getting to know the other guys back at the house, Clare decides to ask all of them about why they were mean to Dale.

Then, as the final nail in the coffin, she decides to give the group date rose to herself. My God.

Oh, and then she offhandedly mentions to a producer that Dale is her fiancé. Spoilers, Clare, spoilers.

Quotes of the Night

• "Time to have some time."
• "Should we send out a search party for Dale?"
• "I really wanna get up and kick this chair over."
• "Stop being a politician and get to it, man."

Next week, we learn that the rumors are true, and that our pain is (almost) over. Get ready for a mid-season bachelorette change ladies, because Tayshia is here.