Tayshia is such a mature Bachelorette that it's getting harder and harder to make fun of this show, but I shall try my best (I know I'm like two days late but I don't have cable I'm sorry).

One-on-One - Blake

Tayshia invites Blake on the next one-on-one for literally no reason because they have zero chemistry and he should have gone home a long time ago.

But instead, the producers decide to force Blake to get naked again as the couple visits a "love" guru.

After about five minutes of chakra aligning, Tayshia realizes she can't take it anymore and pulls Blake aside to dump him.

The poor guy is clueless, and doesn't seem to understand that she's breaking up with him until she starts sobbing. Like actually sobbing. Girl, why? Blake was not that special. Even he's not crying.

Still, I can't fault her too much for it. She cares more about these guys than Clare ever could.

Goodbye Riley

Tayshia returns to the house, still sobbing profusely, to dump Riley.

She pulls him aside and tells him that she thinks he's amazing but not so amazing that she wants to meet his family.

Riley handles the whole thing like a true champ, with maturity and grace. Like I said last time, someone please marry this man.

Meanwhile, Tayshia continues sobbing and starts screaming things at the sky. Okay.

Rose Ceremony

Bennett is back for the rose ceremony because his manipulative speech was enough to get Tayshia to think about keeping him.

Thankfully, she comes to her senses and sends him home for the second time. She sends Noah home too, and the ending I wanted for the two-on-one is complete.

The Men Tell All

The Men Tell All begins with the return of the second worst person ever, aka Ed. As it turns out, this 36-year-old man is still mad at Chasen for calling Tayshia a smokeshow.

Once Bennett brought up emotional intelligence again, I blacked out to protect my brain.

When I came to, Yosef was back on the screen. Why?! He didn't even meet Tayshia. All we learn from this conversation is that Yosef is still an a-hole.

Chris Harrison brings Tayshia onstage and decides to torture her by making her re-watch her breakup with Riley. Riley is still a perfect gentleman towards her and I love him.

Quote of the Night

  • "That's a comment from a One Direction party boy manager wearing camo with star tattoos."

Join me tomorrow for the hometown dates. Adios, amigos.

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