For the first time this season, I didn't totally hate this week's episode of The Bachelorette. Thank the Lord for Tayshia (I know I'm like two days late but I don't have cable I'm sorry).


Tayshia Meets the Men

Tayshia goes to meet her men and she is already 100% less cringy than Clare. The men agree, and they spend most of their camera time talking about how much Clare sucked.

Ivan, Riley, and crazy-eyes Blake all get their Tayshia time when Chris Harrison ruins everyone's lives with the announcement that he's bringing in four new guys.

New guy Spencer immediately rubs everyone the wrong way by joking that the guys ran Clare off the show, and Tayshia makes things worse by giving him the first impression rose.

Clare and Dale Tell All

Chris Harrison sits Clare and Dale down to tell all about their new love. But it's really more of a Clare tells all, because she does all the talking. Dale, blink twice if you need help.

Clare gushes about how in love she is with Dale and announces that she wants to have babies soon...Dale reacts with complete silence before finally talking about how much he "loves" Clare too.

The pair promises Chris that they weren't talking before the show and really just fell in love after two weeks. I don't know which is worse.

Fun game: drink every time Clare says "he showed up." Just kidding, don't. You would die.

Group Date - Splashball

In a throwback to Clare's strip dodgeball, Tayshia has the men don speedos to play a game of pool basketball. Don't let Yosef hear about this.

Riley "accidentally" elbows Spencer in the face, and Tayshia acts like he's just been shot. Girl, this is pool basketball, not a warzone.

The winning team gets extra time with Tayshia. Just like in dodgeball, Blake's team loses, and the poor guy has to walk home practically naked...again.

Cocktail Party

Eazy and Zac C. make some progress with Tayshia, while the other guys sit Spencer down to tell him that he is a major d*ck.

Spencer plays it cool with the guys but tells the camera that he is here for Tayshia, and Tayshia only. Boom. Season villain established.

But because Tayshia knows not to throw away her whole season for one guy, she gives the group date rose to Eazy, and keeps the peace among the men.

Meanwhile, Jason realizes that he still has feelings for Clare and that he can't lead Tayshia on anymore. In the most honest conversation I've seen on reality television, he tells her what's up and gracefully sends himself home. I'm in love.

One on One - Brendan

Tayshia takes Brendan to go horseback riding with Chris Harrison before they go back to the resort to make out in a pool (without Chris Harrison).

Later at dinner, Brendan works up the nerve to tell Tayshia he's been married before. Luckily for him, Tayshia has also been married before, so they bond over their mutual failed marriages (it's actually cuter than it sounds) and she gives him the rose.

Then, the pair goes to watch a private fireworks show while Tayshia tells the camera that she thinks she could marry him. Girl, have you learned nothing?!

Quotes of the Night

  • "There was a stanky a*s energy in the room."
  • "I'm hanging on by a piece of floss."
  • "That man is a fried bologna sandwich with the mayonnaise all day."
  • "How are your butt cheeks feeling?"

Next week's preview is about five minutes of Tayshia sobbing. Don't forget to stock up on the box wine.

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