The year 2016 was a transformative year for me in the realm of relationships, and I want to share some advice with those who don't want to be single in the new year.
This year kicked off pretty rocky - I wanted a relationship but kept attracting the wrong people into my life. By keeping an open mind, being honest with my intentions, giving Tinder one last shot and then some, I was able to turn things around and attract what I truly wanted. Now that we're leaving 2016 behind, I can say I'm entering 2017 on a much happier, positive foundation...and I'm no longer single! Hell yea. <3
I think everyone deserves happiness, and I want to help you find that happiness. Take my advice however you will - it's here for you should you choose to follow it.
I'm not telling you to stop complaining because you're annoying the hell out of everyone around you (which is true), but because it's sucking precious energy from your daily life and causing you to be miserable whether you'd like to admit it or not.
Instead of taking pity on yourself for not having a significant other, send out positive vibes into the universe and ask for love and abundance in return. Read up on the Law of Attraction as this will absolutely change your life. Like attracts like, which means positive energy will come to you if you radiate positive energy.
....Meaning you'll get a boyfriend or girlfriend if you put that request, wish, hope, or dream out into the open. (Patience is key, too.)
Quit being so negative. I can positively tell you that that's contributing to your being single.
Get on Tinder.
I don't care if you hate it or it hasn't worked for you - Tinder can be good practice at the very least. Yes, practice. You're single for a reason, right? Break those habits, practice talking to people you're attracted to, and trust me, you'll learn about yourself through the process while potentially meeting some really great people.
I had just about given up on Tinder and all online dating right before I met my boyfriend. (Sounds cliche, I know.) Feeling down about a recent flame that fizzled out, I got back on Tinder one night just to see who was out there looking for a match. That's when out of the blue, unexpectedly, miraculously I came across Aaron from Denver, this really hot guy whose main photo was a selfie with Bob Saget. I swiped right hoping we'd match. When we didn't, I was disappointed...but moments later, I got the notification that Aaron from Denver swiped right too, and we've been texting and hanging out ever since.
I couldn't be happier!
Tinder has a reputation for being a hookup app. Sure, that's what most people are on it for. If you don't meet your future boyfriend or girlfriend on Tinder, no fear - at the very least, you could meet some interesting people. (I'll leave it up to you to define "interesting.")
Be honest with your intentions.
Have you ever talked with a prospective match for hours, days, weeks, months, thinking that your relationship with them is turning into something more when suddenly, out of the blue, they "ghost" you and disappear from your life completely?
That's because they weren't being honest with their intentions all along, and the only way they could deal with it was to dump you. (This happens even without ghosting - it still sucks hearing the truth from them, though.)
It sucks and it's heartbreaking, but it will keep happening because it takes time for people to learn that being honest in the first place is going to save not only other people but themselves from sadness, anxiety, and pain.
I'm telling you now, be honest with what you want.
Do you want a relationship? Say so. No really, when you go on that Tinder date and they outright ask you what you're looking for, say that you want a relationship (or whatever it is that you want). If they leave you right then and there because they don't want a relationship but you do, then rejoice! It wasn't meant to be and you got your sign. Move on and repeat.
Being honest with what you want is so essential. When you finally meet someone whose intentions match yours, you don't want them to turn you away due to your telling them you don't want a relationship (chances are you do this because you don't want to chase them away, but you're being counterintuitive at that point).
Date outside of your zip code.
I'm not talking about one zip code away - I'm talking about swiping right in the Denver area if you live in Fort Collins. Bump up that location radius to over 60 miles on Tinder, OKCupid, etc., and see what happens. I wrote a whole article on what I call "Highway-Order Tinder Dates" and why you should give those a chance instead.
We all like to think that as adults, we automatically know how to flirt. I can tell you now, that's a load of crap.
I'm not here to tell you how to flirt, because I don't believe I'd be able to teach you the method that would work best for you personally. This is something you'll need to discover on your own.
For me personally, getting back into dating 3 years ago was incredibly difficult for me because I'd been out of it for a while discovering myself, getting my career off the ground, and finally healing from a difficult breakup that had taken place 2 years prior. I was so shy and awkward that guys thought I was a virgin.
Now, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin but I was not one, and guys wouldn't go on a second date with me because I later learned I was being nice but not flirtatious.
As soon as I realized that saying bold things got me the results I wanted, things got a lot easier.
It's definitely scary to go out of your comfort zone, but sometimes it's necessary in getting what you want in life.
For women, I recommend looking up Matthew Hussey (weird name, I know) who is an excellent relationship coach. Not only will his British accent charm your pants off, but he has some really great advice on what to say to guys, when to say it, and how to get and keep the guy. Check out his YouTube channel here. Watch his videos, take in his advice, and also check out other self-help books about relationships.
Wear and sleep with healing crystals.
This may sound kooky to some, but healing crystals are the sh*t and they totally work.
Crystal healing is a pseudoscientific alternative medicine with various techniques cultivated by the Hopi Nativ Americans of Arizona, Hawaiian islanders, and the Chinese. It's used to attract positive energy, clear chakras, and support mental and physical health. Because it's a pseudoscience, there's no "proof" that crystal healing works, but I can tell you from personal experience that having crystals in my home not only eliminated paranormal activity, but also helped open my heart and attract love and abundance into different areas of my life - especially in relationships and career.
In the springtime I was told I should be wearing rose quartz and sleep with rhodochrosite, so this is what I did. A couple months later my dating life picked up and I met my boyfriend.
Rose quartz speaks directly to the Heart Chakra, getting rid of emotional wounds, fears, resentments, and nourishes with compassion, peace, tenderness, and comfort. Crystal Vaults says rose quartz may have been used as a love token as early as 600 B.C. and to this day, it's still used as an important talisman of relationships.
Rhodochrosite has similar healing properties. Like rose quartz it symbolizes love, but also encourages a positive attitude and taking action to pursue your dreams.
These are both really great crystals to have on hand when trying to attract romantic relationships into your life, but there are also many others you may want to look into. The rose quartz pendant shown below is from GitanaCrystals on Etsy, but you can find raw or polished stones (as well as pendants) at stores in town like Blue Stone or Crystal Joys. I found my rose quartz pendant at Blue Stone for maybe $6; my polished rhodochrosite stones were probably around the same price.
Have a plan B.
If year 2018 rolls around and you're still single, be okay with it. Know that your time hasn't yet come but don't be hard on yourself.
Keep trying, mix things up, have a backup plan. Maybe the universe wants you to be single just a little while longer, because perhaps there's a lesson you haven't yet learned about dating and relationships quite yet. Find out what it is, learn, grow, and transform.