The due date for my first child is just about a month away and there seems to be three common themes when poeple try and prepare me for parenthood.

  1. It will be the best thing I've ever done.
  2. I have no idea how hard it will be.
  3. I may not sleep a full night again...ever.

I found some questions posed by Nancee Belshaw to see if I really am ready for parenthood.

Mess Test

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Feeding Test

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Dressing Test

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Grocery Store Test

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

She has more questions like this on her blog (which you can read here), but I didn't want to spoil them all for you.

Funny stuff, right? Wrong. This stuff scares the bejeebus out of me! I think most parents look back on these type of things and laugh, but they sure aren't laughing while they happen.

(Okay, I do think it's funny, but it scares me none-the-less.)

I wonder just how over my head I am going to be in this upcoming "Dad" role? I've kept my dogs alive for seven years...I must be at least somewhat prepared, right?

Here's to hoping.