Rock’N Rendezvous BBQ Competition: Goldberg Finds His Paradise

First off, let me state that I do not eat to live, but live to eat. Ever since I was a young boy, my friends and family have marveled at my eating prowess. So when the opportunity to judge an official Kansas City BBQ Society competition presented itself, I was ready to go.

When I committed to be one of the celebrity judges for the main event competition, that drew both professional cooks and judges from around the country, I honestly had no idea what I was getting into. I was looking at this as a great opportunity to stuff my face with some of the best BBQ from around the country. Little did I know that this was truly an endurance trial for both the cooks and the judges.

First, some of the best BBQ cooks from around the country showed up on Saturday, all wanting a piece of the $35,000 worth of prizes. The smokers and grills lit up in the early hours Sunday morning, preparing the meats for the low and slow cooking of chicken, ribs, pork and brisket. All of the cooking team stayed up all night, preparing their dishes and monitoring their creations with watchful eyes.

The judges, however, had to deal with a different type of challenge. Not one of staying up all night in an attempt to cook the perfect meat, but one of focus and methodical chewing. When I arrived, I was given a quick education of what I should look for as a judge, and apparently I have been doing it wrong all these years. For example, none of the meat should be "fall off the bone." Even though a restaurant may advertise that as being desirable, it is actually a sign of being overcooked. There are also tests to check for the appropriate tenderness, like the pull test and the pushing of a meat to the roof of your mouth.

The most challenging part of being a judge is the pacing of yourself. There are four categories that are judged: chicken, ribs, pork and brisket. In each category, each judge judges six to seven entries. That is 24-28 pieces of meat that each have to be judged individually on presentation, taste and tenderness. At first, I was confident that I would be able to eat every piece of meat put in front of me in its entirety. Heck, there's a reason why my wife calls two of everything a "Goldberg Special", because I usually order two of everything and eat it all. In one sitting, I can eat two pizzas, two Qdoba burritos, and so on.

This, however, was nothing like I ever experienced. There is a reason why many of the other judges were armed with plastic ziplock bags and coolers... because they take their leftovers home. Even after pacing myself and by the end, only taking one bite out of each piece of meat, I was stuffed beyond belief and was quite honestly not feeling too hot. After about thirty minutes of finishing my judging responsibilities, I was dizzy, had a headache, was sweating and was incredibly lethargic. At one point I had my wife Google if I could possibly die from consuming too much meat.

But even after feeling like I was going to die from BBQ intoxication, I would do this again in a heartbeat! Not only did I get the opportunity to see the inner workings of a sanctioned KCBS event, but I was able to enjoy some of the best BBQ in the world, and meet some of the nicest, salt-of-the-earth people from around the country. I'm just going to wait a few months before I take my family to have anything with BBQ sauce on it.