How many times have you been driving in Northern Colorado and seen this?

StarsStudio via Thinkstock

Of course, you knew it beforehand, because their car had that jerky swerve that can only be attributed to texting.  And perhaps... *Whoops*... they even took that swerve abruptly toward your vehicle, as if it wasn't a big deal to possibly end both of your lives.  You understand, right?  It's just that so & so can't wait for me to get there to tell them I planned my day poorly and that's why I'm late, and that I'm really, really sorry.

Or this?

Vladimir Mucibabic via Thinkstock

Well, most are a bit more discreet than this.  Once again, you have to watch for that swerve.  Only this swerve goes longer without attempts at correction.

It makes you wonder how THIS came to be:

Thinkstock

Why don't we round up these "community service members" and set them free... You know, like we would with a mountain lion we found wandering down Eisenhower... into their natural habitat, where they can live a life of fun and abandon with their own species?

Thinkstock Images

There!  That should do it.

You may not have noticed it, but there seems to be a little debate going on as to who and/or what is to blame for the zombie-esque presence that seems to grace our roadways, in a place where people are generally amazingly cool in every other way.

Go ahead:  Mention the states that are to blame for all the crappy drivers.  All together now.  Tehhhh.....xas.  California for sure, right?  What's that?  Who else?  Maybe Co...lorado?   Whoah, whoah, whoah, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

We could've stopped with California.  A new report clearly states that California drivers are the #1 worst in the country.  Wait - Are those the ones who look at you like you're the bad guy while you're waiting to cross the street on foot and they floor it through the intersection anyway?  Either way, that state is home to the five worst cities in the U.S. for drivers, has the highest rate of citations, and the most d.u.i.'s.  Hey, the honor had to go to someone, right?

Nebraska didn't exactly fare well, either.  Those are our incognito transplantian friends, by the way.  When you leave Nebraska, you have to celebrate!  By immediately getting your Colorado license plate so no one knows you just came here from Nebraska.  This state is the 6th worst for drivers.

Without using the derogatory, slang word Coloradoans use for them, Utah drivers also fall into the top 20... urrr, bottom 20.  Either way, it ain't pretty.

Speaking of Coloradoans, how are we doing?  Ih... Could be better.  We are 17th worst in the nation for driving behavior.  I wonder if it has to do with our lifelong love affair with that left lane.

Check the map in hopes to answer any other questions you have about these findings:

quotewizard.com

With that in mind, just a quick-n-dirty list. These are the "Good Person's Guide to Driving" (according to me:)

*The rules were made for your benefit and mine... although I have never been pulled over for doing four miles per hour over the speed limit. Not 14, 4.

*By driving twice as fast as everyone else, you stand to get to your destination maybe two minutes sooner. Your chances of wrecking, however, are greater. Have you noticed those things called stop lights? Sorry, you have to stop for them, too... no matter how much of a hurry you're in.

*If you drive less than 30 miles per hour anywhere other than Old Town or in a parking lot, you might as well be riding a bike. Saddle up, pardner!

*Those rules include the two-second following rule... using turn signals, even when only changing lanes... and waiting for pedestrians and watching for bicycles is wise whether you agree with it or not.

*And, owning both a four-cylinder Toyota that looks faster than it is, and an old muscle car that doesn't waste time with plastic toy cars... It's only a race if both parties know it's a race, and are both willing to participate. Gunning it from the stoplight for no apparent reason is stupid for a number of reasons... but whatever makes you happy!

Chances are, the "driverus crappius" isn't going away anytime soon.  As I tell my girls, always watch out for the other guy.  But, if you're still waiting for everyone else to operate by your rule book, you might enjoy this: